It’s never any fun when you start to suspect your partner of messing around. No matter who does the deed, cheating has wreaked havoc on many on a once-wonderful union. If you’re starting to think it’s happening to you, these signs will either allay your fears or confirm the worst.
But before accusations and paranoia start flying around, just remember one very boring but very important thing: a beautiful relationship is built on trust, honesty, and freedom. So when you’re not sure, talk to her, and give her the benefit of the doubt.
It’s no longer US or WE
We adore independent women. Their independence is their right, it’s part of what we fell in love with, and it’s important to anyone’s sanity. If you’re a couple who have always used “we”, though, and she’s now starting to say “you” and “I”, it’s a subtle yet clear message that you’re no longer the rock-solid union you used to be.
She no longer thinks in terms of the two of you together, which might mean that she’s thinking in terms of someone else entirely.
She picks and picks at everything you do
Want to know how to make breaking up with someone a little bit easier? Just tell yourself that you’re in the right. People who are cheating on their partners, or are about to break up with them, will often find the slightest faults in every little thing that the other person says or does.
It’s partly guilt, and partly a natural defense mechanism to make themselves feel better for their actions.
She’s acting like a GPS tracker
There’s a number one trick to cheating: don’t get caught. The easiest way to do this, of course, is to make sure your partner is never there to see you in the act.
Which is why all of a sudden she’s started to be really interested in where you’re going to be during the day, at what time, and for how long. It’s so she can make absolutely certain she won’t be there too.
She’s staying late at work, a lot
Business trips, office parties, tight project deadlines – if these start to pop-up more and more often, there’s definitely something up.
Especially if she’s just a pool lifeguard. But seriously, it’s one of the classic cheating symptoms, and is either 100% true or 100% false. Luckily, it’s fairly easy to check.
She’s throwing smoke bombs
We can’t be too upset about this one – it’s straight out of the cheating-dude playbook. Basically, if you don’t want anyone to start questioning your activities, you start throwing down enough accusations and misdirections to distract them and make them focus on something else.
It could be anything from making drama out of nothing, to wild and uncharacteristically irrational gestures. A classic man-move, and well played.
She’s not sharing with you
Cheating isn’t just restricted to the physical act. Sometimes, forming an intense emotional bond with someone else can be just as dangerous, and ultimately just as heartbreaking. And how do these kinds of bonds form? By opening up to someone else.
If she’s not sharing her highs, lows, and in-betweens with you, trust us – she’s sharing them with someone else. Hopefully for you they’re just a friend.
You’ve cheated on her
We don’t want to start pointing fingers here, but if you’ve ever cheated on her, there’s a good chance – and good reason – that she might return the favor.
It’s not revenge, really. It’s more the fact that any infidelity will damage a relationship, and unless it’s repaired then it will be open to more pain.
Her friends list is full of strange new people
Any social butterfly or worker in a big company will constantly be making new friends. And there’s nothing wrong with having some fresh faces and people to hang out with.
But generally, if there’s new people who seem to take up a lot of her time (and news feed), and there’s no explanation or invitation to meet them, you’ve got a reason to get suspicious.
The bedroom’s now just for sleeping
Unless you’ve been married for forty years, no intimate relationship is complete without a healthy sex life. Sure, they slow down and get into a rut over time, but that doesn’t mean you’re still not enjoying each other’s bodies.
But if the interest stops dead – we’re talking flat out refusal, night after night – there’s either a more serious relationship problem or she’s getting her kicks somewhere else. Either one could be a symptom or a cause, and either one spells out T-R-O-U-B-L-E.
Her phone’s getting more love than you are
This is – how do we put it – more of a global problem than one just restricted to cheaters. Everyone these days is ignoring everyone else in order to pretend to talk to everyone else. It’s a strange situation when four people together in a bar are spending their time silently and furiously messaging people who aren’t in the bar, but you’re not alone, buddy.
If she’s doing it while you’re trying to have a romantic picnic, it might be time to literally and metaphorically pack things up – whether or not she’s cheating.
You’re seeing less and less of her
Do you remember the time that you didn’t need an appointment to see her? When the two of you could hang out, with no prior planning or need to be anywhere? If it’s still like that, then congratulations – she’s a keeper.
But if it’s proving frustratingly hard to find a spare spontaneous second with your lady, then she’s either got a lot on her plate right now, or she’s found another way to spend her quality time.
She’s started to hide her phone
Not just her phone, either, but her computer and diary too. Often it’s the simplest signs that are the most obvious. Has she changed her passwords recently?
Is she quickly closing browser tabs when you enter the room, like a teenager looking up dirty pics? To be fair, she could be in the process of doing some grand and secretive romantic gesture, like buying you that Jaguar you always wanted. On the other hand, she could be having an affair.
She keeps going missing
If it’s been a month since you heard from her last, it’s fair to say that it’s probably over. Even if it’s just a few days at a time with no word and no explanation, it’s still looking a little suss.
Not that you have to know where she is at all times. But if she’s the type that’s glued to her phone, and you’re not getting any of the updates? Put up those “Missing” posters.